Blowing it Up

Inspired by a former neighbor, I've been having a blast making and hanging these around my shop:



6'x6' Dolly



5'x6' Mr. Rogers



4'x6' Dina Martina

From the Sexiest Men Alive issue of People Magazine:



How Ryan Cabrera (sexiest do-it-yourselfer, duh) does his hair. A pull quote for those too busy for a click to enlarge:
Every night I mess it up and try to make something cool.
It's Art.

From The Story of Sacajawea, a coloring book I came across at work:





I colored the detail view, just for clarity:




Yea, medicinal leaves for sores and boils...

You Gotta Believe.

Seattle for Halloween

My plane arrived super-late on Thursday night, and so I missed Spazz 360. Sorry, Freddy.
I did have some nice meetings yesterday, and so a return to the left coast might be the cards before too long.

Also, we decided to get motivated for Halloween this year:



I spent a decent amount of time on the Nancy costume, but everything Dave did while wearing it was hilarious. He picked a fight with Little Orphan Annie at The Bus Stop. He made Kim Jong Il uncomfortable at The Hideout. He also got our fries and dippin' sauces comped at Frites. Yes.




Dave brought sexy back.

On Sunday, I visited EMc2, where I bought this T-shirt:



So, yea, I am a dork. But this is nothing new.

Upon my return home, I noticed the back:




I find Mr. Gunn as dreamy as the next mo, but does the autograph make it too much to wear?

AND the nieghbors have just finished wailing their way through Add it Up for the sixth time. In a row.
Maybe I should explain that it actaully has very little to do with luck, and much more to do with learning more than on song.

I Bloomed Early

After Husky Helpers, but before Masters of the Universe (both thoroughly heterosexual,) my dream action figures were from the Fisher Price Adventure Series.

My friends were all obsessed with The Dukes of Hazzard, but at Casa Nelson, our 7" portable B&W set only recieved PBS.
Consequently, I was forced into more imaginative expressions of homoeroticism.


Meet Travis and Luke.

Travis (in the white shirt) was first, but he grew so lonely driving around in his Jeep that I insisted on a companion for him.
I believe it was the birth of a fondness for bearded dudes wearing boots and aviator glasses that continues to this day.

I Light Up My Life

I spent close to a year looking at this nightmare of a light fixture as I fell asleep each night.
It was not good for my soul.

Dear boss gave me an old 5 light fixture, probably from the 20s.
The original polychrome paint job was lost under a few coats of gold spray paint.

I sandblasted it, and buffed it to a lovely shine:



And of course I put it on a dimmer. Life is good.

I busted out this bench for Mad Forest.




The inpsiration:

And for this, I have to turn down impossibley cool freelance work. It's time to make a change.

Get Ready for Sexy!

Oh, Halloween- I have not dressed up in quite a while, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the costume choices of others. Some of my faves are the princess (tiara), the nerd (glasses), and the eternal cop out, the mime (white pancake,) but the best is the phenomenon of the sexy costumes.
You see, ANYTHING can be sexy, and everybody is MUCH sexier on Halloween.

Sexified outfits are great, because there is less of them and they can be usually be pulled together quickly. Or if actually go out and buy something, you can wear it year after year, because sexiness never goes out of style.

For example:



This outfit is infinitley rewearable, and it wipes clean with a damp cloth.






Far superior to regular, unsexy witches.




Please, don't hit me, baby, one more time...






I think one of these sexy, sexy maids has some preschool walls to clean.






Extra HOT! This costume is code for 'easy' or 'fast.'

I am not chauvinistic (much) so here are some nauseating males dressing sexy and, yes, the gay will always be the creepiest:






I if it's too small to make out, the man-baby is wearing a bib asking you to be his daddy. Blet.



This nun is German. I'm not sure if she is pink because she is so sexy, or just foreign.



No comment.

And my favorite, the sexy, sexy kitty.



I have tons like this, and I'm starting to think that there is a serious weight problem among this nation's sexy cats.

I LOVE Halloween Girl
She is the beauty behind the first sexy cat and the one above in fishnets is her SISTER. Sexy sister-cat HEAVEN.
Visit her site, especially the link to the Spencer Gifts employee costume page. Seriously.

And a bonus:



Sexy, sexy Mrs Claus.

My new favorite lampshade covering is Tyvek.



It's not exactly fireproof, but Tyvek doesn't melt until it reaches 275˚F. So unless you wrap a halogen bulb in it, lamp shades are probably okay.
I never use anything higher than 60 watt bulbs because when a body has 6+ lamps in a room, the wattage of each must be dailed down. Most lamp dimmers are only rated for 60 watts, and dim lights make everyone appear sexier, anyway.

Tyvek, sans printing can be purchased at many art supply stores.
Buy some and play with it. Cutting and sewing are cinchy, and it looks as good crumpled as it does ironed.
It can be even be colored with alcohol markers.

More to come...

Oh, and I just bought this belt buckle:



I may be turning into a diva-obsessed monster-faggot. But then again, all of my pants need extensive belting...

Lord knows that I love me some Chick Tracts. My own vast collection reamins in Seattle, but Mr. Chick's online presence satisfies me when I'm jonsing for Jebus here in NYC.

Great news from Jack T. Chick!

All your faves have been redrawn AND rewritten for those of a duskier bent:



Beginning this month, we are rolling out a new tract series with the same story but with black characters. We have taken some of our most popular Chick tracts and redrawn them with black characters. To avoid confusion in ordering, we have renamed them. Somebody Loves Me is called Hard Times.

Does this strike anyone else as creepy?

Maybe if all the lord-lubbers can be kept busy with ridiculous factionism, I will finally be free to marry a dog. Hallelujah.

Proof of a higher power

Look what landed on Youtube:



















Thank-you, Fourfour

I'm a Furniture Hobo

Last night, after seeing the phenominal Jeffery Lewis Band and slumming it grand with new and amazing colleague Victoria, I encountered this in a garbage pile outside my glamorous Inwood apartment building:




It was full of filth, and smelled like it had spent the 60-something years since its manufacture inside a cigar bar. Still, I loved its sexy rounded corners and deco handle, so I dragged it inside.

This morning, I hoofed it to my workshop for some rehab. It turned out that under the cigar-tar, the entire thing had been wrapped in gold-flecked contact paper:




It's barely visible, but it was super dramatic at the time.

I peeled the crap off, stripped the paint, sanded it for consistant texure, and gave it a coat of paste wax.

I am quite happy with my new-n-free arts-n-crafts armoir:

To the snark-ass who anonymously e-mailed me about the tortoise shell sconce:

If you're so concerned about lack of respect for the dead, why don't you go after the Gap's current skinny black pant campaign?

Even if the Gap is "making a generous contribution to the Audrey Hepburn Children's Fund in celebration of the launch of the Keep It Simple ad campaign," I don't think Audrey Hepburn would have wiped her skinny white can with those skinny black pants.

What have you been making, Jake?

I'm on another lamp kick. Last week, I was recovering shades in watermarked faille and Tyvek, but yesterday I kicked into high gear:

Shortly before I left our fantastic, cheap apartment on 18th Avenue, I came upon a large tortise shell on the building free table. Not knowing exactly why, I grabbed it. It sat in a storage box for a couple of years before I shipped it to New York.

Yesterday, it was reborn:




I can't sell it, but I can own it.

I'm sure that some will question my morals for using part of a dead endangered species. I invite them to make a clever craft out of my corpse when the time comes.

I didn't make this, but damn, I wish I had...

Bletriotism

It will be mine...

Oh, yes, it wll.